LOLs

Once I became visibly pregnant with Sophia, and again with Jude (though with Jude I was "visibly pregant" by about 4 weeks instead of 20), I adopted what I call the Walmart Scowl.  I put this ugly expression on every time I walked into a store in an attempt to dissuade Little Old Ladies (LOLs) from coming up to me and patting my belly while asking "When are you due?" and then telling me that my bum was huge so it must be a boy/girl.

And now there are the LOLs that come out of the woodwork to admire the kids anytime we are out and about.  Inevitably, they all say "Enjoy this time . . . it goes by so fast!" and I nod and smile and wonder how to politely slip away so I can get home and put the kids down for naps and drink some coffee after the two hours of sleep I had the night before.

But now I'm starting to get why they sound like broken records.  Because it really does go by so fast and so slow all at the same time.  And those LOLs wish they could go back in time and experience all the tiny little wonderful moments again.  Maybe not the poopy diapers and sleepless nights . . . I don't think I can imagine wanting those back.  But there are different kinds of moments that you experience as parents . . .

There are the moments that you can capture and go back to, the times that you can recall years later.  Like the day that your mom got the gingerbread house down and let you and your cousins stuff your faces until you could barely smile without drooling and your face was positively fat with candy.

But then there are the other moments that seem to slip away, that you swore you would always remember.  What it felt like to hold each baby for the first time, or that "in love" oxytocin feeling you had when breastfeeding even at three in the morning, or how proud you were when they (Finally, Sophia!) took their first step.

Those are the wispy moments that disappear.

Today Jude didn't want to go down for a morning nap, but desperately needed one.  Then, after he slept he didn't want to get up.  Grumpy boy!  So I turned on his lullaby cd and held out my arms.  He picked up Wolfie and held him tight in one arm, then put his other arm around my neck and did the full-body cling while we danced to lullabies.  And I tried to take a mental picture, to capture the moment for posterity, because it was so perfect.  But I know that mental picture is going to melt over time, and I'm going to forget exactly what it felt like to have that little body holding on to me as hard as he could.  

I guess those LOL's aren't so crazy.  They just want to go back in time and dance with their little peanut melted onto them again.  Because there really is nothing like it, and that exact moment will never be duplicated again.  I can see myself in 50 years, being the annoying LOL at Walmart, wishing she could get one more snuggle, belly-grabbing and saying "It goes by so fast" with the best of them.  Living vicariously . . . I do hope I remember to buy that young mama a coffee, though, or at least hand her some chocolate.