To be or not to be . . .

a mother. Seems to me to be something you decide before the kiddos arrive, not after!

I was at work the other night, and in some brief downtime I checked my e-mail and then logged out, when an article caught my attention. The article was about, in brief, mothers who have chosen to leave their children behind in order to pursue a different life.

I had so many feeling when I read that article that I just kicked them aside for the moment and got back to work. Now, days later, I keep finding myself going back to it, and trying to process it all. Having feared losing Sophia first when she was in utero and had heart problems, and then when she was so sick this past November and we didn't know what was going on, I don't understand how a mother could make a conscious decision to leave her child.

First I was just straight up angry. How can we accept this in our day and age? How is it okay to have children, and then decide that it wasn't the best path for you, and then move across country to have new life? What kind of mother abandons her children like that?

Upon reflection, part of me is still angry, but a larger part feels so sorry for these confused and disillusioned women. Moving, or taking a new job, or finding a new mate, or starting over in any other way is not going to bring happiness. Neither would staying with their children, for that matter. How can anyone have fulfillment without a relationship with our Creator?

I have been re-reading my favorite books lately, the Anne of Green Gables series. At times it makes me feel wistful, and I wish for simpler times. Back then, a mother was a mother. There weren't the same pressures to "be" something else. In fact, it was taken for granted that when you married, that was the end of any "career."

Please understand me, I am not saying it is wrong for a woman to work, anyone who knows me knows that I still work as a nurse! But sometimes it seems like now there are almost too many options in this crazy world we live in, and apparently one of them is that it is ok to abandon your kids if you get the whim.

At any rate, both the article and Anne of Green Gables have me thinking of how to slow down and cherish the time that I have with Sophia and Libby Baby #2 that is coming in another 19 weeks (Ha! Probably more like 21 weeks!). And how to simplify our lives, to change from the frantic pace we run at to a more leisurely stroll. I'm not much of a stroll-er, so it is going to take some time. Time I have, though, because this mama ain't goin' anywhere!